It was a really bad Monday.

I've delayed writing this post all week.  I've started it.  And stopped, but after another half-hearted attempt at it Friday, I put down the computer and said I'd give it the weekend before I recount my feelings and emotions of the past week.  I definitely have hit the reset button in more ways than one this weekend.  Much needed.  And I got some time (and a lot of sleep...) to reflect on everything that has happened.

I'm going to start with last Sunday.  In all it's innocence and happiness.  Kristofor and I traveled to Corpus for him to compete in his first half Ironman.  A little more than a month out from the FULL IRONMAN...he was ready to tackle half the distance and try out his fueling plan and get a feel for what he would need to tweak going into the last month.  The day was perfect.  Overcast, cool-ish, not windy.  Perfect triathlon weather.  From start to finish, Kristofor had about as good of a day as could be expected.  And as a spectator, I couldn't have asked for a better course, because it was easy to park it in a spot and watch him go by every so often on the loop course of the bike and then run.

Kristofor on his first bike loop (thanks Adrianna for the picture!)

It was fun to see him as the race progressed!  I knew once he started the run that he was firmly in the front of the pack of half distance finishers.  Still looking strong, I knew he wasn't going to "go all out"...after all...the big race isn't too far off.  I saw him go out on his last run loop and walked over to the finisher's area to see him cross the line.  I also noticed that I had gotten quite ummm....toasty....

I started the morning wearing a long sleeve, but as it got warmer...I switched to a tank.  And since I'm so super smart, I didn't put sunscreen on for the last hour and a half of the race.  Amazing idea.  The volunteers at the finish looked at me with concern by the time Kristofor was about to cross....

And cross he did!  Arms up and not much worse for the wear.  First half Ironman done!

Kristofor crossing the finish line!

My shoulders were as red as the volunteers shirts by this point.  Kristofor was also a little toasty.  And thirsty evidently...because he promptly downed a cold beer within minutes of finishing.  Carbs.  Beer tent.  Perfection.  As we started to head back to get our things, we poked our head into the timing area, and asked if it was worth sticking around for awards....it was...

  Fabian, Kris, and Jun with their trophies!  TRI MECCA!

Turns out Kristofor got 1st in his age group and 6th overall! I'd say that was a pretty good showing for his first half Iron distance, and I know all of our tri club members left that race feeling like they had conquered Corpus Christi.  

As we traveled home, we recounted the day, went over the play by play, and more than once we talked about Monday.  Marathon Monday.  Kristofor is from New England.  Patriot's Day is a holiday there, banks close, schools close, the Red Sox have a game day, and then of course, the Boston Marathon takes place.  Kristofor and I visited Boyleston Street in Boston 2 summers ago and took pics right near where the finish line is.  Its a magical place even when it's not race day.  So I was excited for Marathon Monday.  I had already gone back and forth with Irma about how I couldn't wait to watch Shalane and Kara race.  I had been "liking" their pre-race statuses all day.  I was ready to see how the cards fell.  

When we got home...I was made aware of the severity of my sunburn...

Half Iron Spectator burn 

And about a half hour after we got home, we headed to CVS so I could get some aloe.  And then it happened.  Out of nowhere.  As I was perusing the lotion aisle, my knee locked up.  My right knee suddenly felt like it was in a tight grip.  And I couldn't bend it.  It happened just like that.  Out of nowhere.  Sure, my knees had been sore from all the competition training.  I had pretty much been keeping KT tape in business, and I had already been modifying my plyo and leg workouts to try and work around my increasingly sore knees. But it wasn't anything out of the ordinary.  This, THIS was different.  As I hobbled out of the store, I never regained mobility of my knee.  And that lasted into Monday.  I couldn't hardly get out of bed....

So Monday morning came early, Kris got out of bed like he hadn't even done 70.3 man powered miles and I needed crutches.  I wrapped my ice pack around my knee, took ibuprofen, and hobbled into work.  I only trained for 2 hours, made my 830am girls carry me as part of their workout, and decided to call it a day and go see a Dr.  I was promptly told what I already knew.  My knees had fluid in them.  I have arthritis, they looked bad, and I needed to rest.  For a week. Which is a hard thing to do when you are 10 weeks out from your first bikini competition.  I had work to do.  A lot of work.  This was not good news.  

As a trainer, I am constantly curious about how things in the body work, and since I've had so much trouble in the past with my knees, I make it my job to try to learn how best to fix and rehab these things.  I don't want to always be putting a band-aid on this issue, I'd like to resolve it. Figure out where its coming from.  What I can do better to fix it.  So at about 2pm, I headed to a physical therapy office to speak with a PT I had seen before and get his take.  As I sat in the waiting room...it happened.  I've told this story a hundred times.  Just like all "where were you when..." stories.

I was sitting at Total Rehab in Harlingen.  Watching the waiting room tv.  The tv show "the Talk" was on. They were talking about how sex makes you smarter.  I turned my attention for a moment to the other side of the room to speak to an old co-worker.  When I turned my attention back to the TV, the first footage of the Marathon Finish line was on.  I thought it was an episode of CSI or Law and Order. It didn't register that this was live.  When I reporter chimed in, it clicked it was not a tv show, and I stood up to get closer.  In the first moments, they didn't blur stuff out.  I checked Facebook and no one had posted anything yet.  I'm "friends" with hundreds of runners.  So I posted this...

When it became clearer after a few moments, I began to cry hysterically.  I caused a bit of a scene in the waiting room.  A lady stood up to ask me what was wrong, and I could really only point at the tv.  I called Kristofor and he didn't answer, so I called Irma, and I cried.  I couldn't stop crying.  When I went in to see the PT, I was still pretty shell shocked.  I tried to listen to what he had to say, got the jist, tried to be amicable, but I kind of wanted to get out and see what was going on.

Kristofor and I were glued to the TV for the rest of the evening.  I just couldn't believe it.  The Boston Marathon is my dream event.  I want to run in it so bad.  To see that happen broke my heart in so many many ways.  Running events are so innocent.  Running events are for charity full of all ages shapes and sizes.  They are full of such happiness for the elite runners to the every day Joe's just out there trying to do something great.  To watch that unfold.  It broke my heart.  And it made me angry.  It broke my heart.

As the night unfolded, runs were planned in remembrance for the following morning.  And I was reminded that I couldn't run.  My knee still wasn't better.  So this already bad Monday, with the hobbling into work, the no good news at the Dr., the unthinkable Boston bombings, and now, a big decision to make.  

I quit the bikini competition.  More crying.  On the phone with Renea, I told her that I needed to be done, and she agreed.  The Dr. and the PT didn't tell me I COULDN'T do it.  They more told me that I shouldn't.  I was told I would have to rest completely for a week.  Change my workouts drastically.  No more plyo, no more lunges or heavy squats.  I just felt like I was setting myself up for failure.  I ran the risk of A:  Doing what I could and then not being ready for the show and being heartbroken.  or B:  Injuring myself even more where I may not be able to run or anything OR WORK.  So it was a hard decision that had to be made, even if I didn't like it.  I hate to quit, and I wrestled with it all week.  I had a couple of sleepless nights.  I still ate my food like I was doing it, still did my upper body work.  I had trouble letting go.

I tried to use this weekend to re-set.  I cheated on my food big time.  But I went to the store and got all the stuff to prep for the week.  I still plan to do it, just a scaled down (physically speaking...) version that won't be as tough on my joints.  I still want to look amazing in my bathing suit this summer and take pictures like I planned to.  And I still want to be there for my teammates still going through the process.  So I'm going to continue in the same direction like planned for the next 9 weeks.

Being told that I shouldn't do something strengthens my resolve to get better.  I know I need to take it easy-er than I have been, work on some of the weaknesses I have so that I can truly rehab my knee.  Focus on stretching and foam rolling, and mentally focus.  My confidence isn't shaken, it was for a bit, but I'm at peace with not going forward and stepping on stage.  Even though I will probably cry on June 22nd.  

My resolve also isn't shaken about running.  Nothing would keep me away from running large scale events.  I don't view it as dangerous.  We are literally in danger ANYWHERE these days.  If we live in fear of that sort of thing, they win.  And I'm unwilling to let anyone that cowardly take away one of the great joys of my life.  I love nothing more than crossing a big FINISH line.  And I will do it again. 

AND...I will do it at the Boston Marathon.  It may take me a while.  And I was told to not give up my dream of running it when I knew I wouldn't get there this past year, but I now know, I will do it.  Even if I'm older when I qualify, or if it's this year.  Who knows.  But I will run that Marathon.  It is still my dream.  

I cried a lot of tears this week.  Monday was a really bad day.  I'm confident tomorrow will be much better.

Boston Strong,

Lacy

12 weeks...NOW WHAT??

If you take a look at the tag line on this blog.  I just changed it.  It used to say "the journal of a runner.  a really small one."  Which is true.  I am a small runner.  Not a runner that runs small...but since I'm vertically challenged...well, I'm a little runner.

I decided today, after having that tag line when I began this blog in July of 2011, that well, things...have changed.

When I started this blog almost 2 years ago, I was diving into training for my second full marathon, and I wanted to document it.  And I did, with painstakingly elaborate updates about literally...everything.  Since then, my posts have tapered off a bit, and while looking back at them, I realized that really, no longer is this just a blog about my running.  Yes, I'm still the "little runner that could"...but currently the little runner is on a bit of a hiatus trying out some new things.  Which is what inspired the tag line switch.

Flash forward 21 months, and I'm no longer a girl documenting her running adventures (although I still do that...), but instead, I'm a girl that has branched out...a bit.  I've written posts on triathlons that I've done, and I've written about the girls I coach to run, their conquests, their goals, etc.  So as I've entered "go time!" as my trainer/coworker/bestie, Renea has said, on my newest venture, I decided.

Why in the heck am I not documenting this...like I did when I was training for that second marathon.  This is even NEWER territory for me here.  I've NEVER done this before.  I may NEVER do it again...WHO KNOWS.  Either way...my current goal is pretty much consuming my life...all things social and professional.  So I'll be talking about it in detail...probably until around the beginning of July.

Let's establish my goal:  I'm going to compete in the Adela Classic, June 22nd.  In the bikini A division.  The division for short people...like me!

What am I doing to reach this goal?  Well, I'm doing about 5 days of weight training.  I drink a lot of protein shakes.  I eat a lot of chicken and ground turkey and greens and sweet potatoes and brown rice and drink a lot of water.  And I only get to cheat on my diet currently on Saturday evenings and all day Sunday.

That's probably going to change this week...as I've been at this goal for 4 weeks now...and now that Saturday was the official 12 WEEKS UNTIL I STEP ON STAGE AND FLAUNT (and yes...I will flaunt...responsibly...) my little self, things are about to get more...interesting.  Intense?  Hard.  I won't know until tomorrow when I see my coach that takes care of my diet and nutrition.

It's a little hard to imagine, today, that this is going to get harder.  For me, it's been about a complete 180 in my way of thinking and my lifestyle.  Not to say that I didn't workout or eat well.  I'm a trainer...its my job.  So I worked out a lot.  But it was more piecey to say the least.  I would do a little bit of stuff here and there with my clients, and then usually spend 2 hours a week devoting 100% attention to my workouts.  And then I would run.  A lot.  And bike.  And swim.

Right now, I have a specific plan that I follow every Monday-Friday mixed in with a crazy a** cardio routine that involves me doing some rhythmic dance stuff (not really...but kind of...) on a treadmill to help build my endurance and well...build my booty.  I lift weights almost every day.  I target a different muscle group(s) everyday, and then I do my fun fancy cardio routines.  I'm not running....

At all.  I went swimming a couple of weeks ago.  Asked if that counted as my cardio.  NOPE.  But I still do it.  But running is not allowed.  WHY???

Because...well,  running will inhibit my muscle growth.  When I run as much as I do, I've had issue with keeping muscle because...I burn it off.  So right now.  That's a big no no.  And since I'm on runcation.  And had decided to take a runcation before I decided to do this...it was perfectly fine with me.  So I don't run.

Unless I'm sprinting...during my cardio routine.  Renea told me today to throw out my runners knowledge.  Because my plan this week said to sprint at a 9 min mile.  Smarty pants that I am, I naturally informed her that a 9 min mile is not a sprint (for me...).  She told me to hush and just do it.

So no running.  BUENO!  There's a group of us at Bod Squad that are all training for shows this Summer.  A couple are doing bikini, the rest are aiming to compete in the figure category (easiest way to describe the difference...more muscle in figure...less muscle in bikini).  It's been amazing to feel the camaraderie that has grown between the ladies that are all doing this right now.  We are all "suffering" together...so we vent, we bitch, we cry and whine.  It helps.  But all commonly, we all want to do this...really bad...and we want to do it well...and we are all new to it.  So it helps to have partners.

Now let me say this.  I know very little about this process other than what I'm learning and watching every day.  This is such new territory for me.  I'm 100% in the hands of my trainer Renea, and my nutrition coach, Daniel from Lean Nutrition.  They decide for me.  Because I know NOTHING.  It's kind of freeing in that aspect.  The past couple of years, I've been honing in on all the knowledge I could get my hands on in regards to the running and triathlon world.  Getting certified in coaching, and I routinely draft plans for runners...all the time.  So having someone draft a plan for me is like going back to the basics.  It's like I'm learning a whole new craft.  Which I love.  I dig learning.  So I'm like a baby bird being fed all this knowledge by bigger birds that know a lot of stuff.  So I listen, and I try not to whine too much.  But whining...is inevitable.

Let's talk about CHEAT DAYS!  Which are about to turn into cheat meals.  Which then will turn into cheat MEAL (singular)...and then to...I really wish I could eat an entire pizza and a gallon of ice cream and a bucket of chicken but I can't because I'm going to step on a stage in a bikini and be judged soon.

CHEAT DAYS!  Up until this weekend, I'm going to be honest.  I had "cheated responsibly."  That sounds funny.  But yes, I was kind of watchful to not go completely overboard and indulge my ever loving every fantasy on Saturday night and Sunday with food...and alcohol.  I chose things that I like to eat regularly.  That aren't necessarily bad for me.  That I can't eat right now.  Like last week.  I had sushi and oysters and like 5 vodka sodas (ok that sounds excessive...).  And Sunday I had a super yummy Cranberry Gorgonzola Salmon burger.  This weekend...really...all bets were off.

I knew my plan was going to change this week.  And I don't know how much.  So I cheated the sh** out of Saturday night and Sunday.  I will not divulge the extent.  But yes, I was fairly awful.  I feel mucho satiated...and I'm glad I got that out of my system.  I had been responsible for 4 weeks...and well, before I head into the "you are 12 weeks from stepping on stage" unknown...I figured I would go out with a bang.  And by golly...I did.

Mostly, this experience is teaching me a level of discipline that I haven't had in a while in regards to my own training.  When I started training others, I lost a little bit of the "me" focus, and became kind of haphazard with my own stuff.  I was never off the wagon completely, but I lost a little bit of the drive I had when it was simply all about me.  Now, balancing this very all about me goal...and training others...is well, requiring a lot of discipline. And time management.  And it makes me more tired so I have officially become a granny that is in bed by 9pm.  But I'm so grateful for what it's taught me so far in 4 short weeks, that I can't even begin to think how much more I will know by week 16.

In all honesty, I am hoping this does what I want it to.  And I know it will.  It is going to make me a stronger athlete (I still giggle when I use that word in relation to myself...), which will hopefully make me a stronger runner.  And the knowledge of muscle growth, diet, discipline will make me a better trainer for my girls as well.  I'm learning a lot about my body.  Through experiencing this.  I've read and studied a lot since getting certified, taken tons of CEU's, etc.  But actually implementing and doing things on myself, that's where I think the true knowledge thrives.  So I'm soaking it all in.  And hoping that this will make me more well rounded in a lot of areas.

So I've taken some photos. Before and After.  The first was on the Monday I began my training.  March 4th.  I was 2 weeks removed from running my Austin Marathon...and well...I'd been on a bit of a "post 3 marathons in 3 months I am winding down from a bunch of craziness and doing whatever I want workout and food wise" binge.  When I started, March 4th, I was really...all over the place.  The second photo was taken Saturday, March 30th.  Both pics taken in the morning.  And if you don't like this sort of stuff...you can feel free to stop now...but here's my progress so far.  Pictures really don't lie.  They tell the truth.  And I'm happy with the truth after 4 weeks, and I look forward to it over the next 12!

Thanks for cheering me on!

Lacy