I've been training for this race for 40 weeks. Yes, I did Ironman Texas. But that was my "B" race for 2015. The whole focus was for me to PR here. I had a great race at Texas. I finally conquered my nutrition and ran a marathon in 90 degree sunshine without bonking. And I'm more grateful now more than ever for that day I had in May.
I sacrificed a lot for yesterday. Time, other opportunities. Races I wanted to do but sat out to train better for this race. I spent a lot of money in therapy for my injury all in order to race yesterday the way I had always dreamed. We spent a lot of money to travel here with the plan of making this the best race. And to sit here this morning, medal-less, sore from what I did do yesterday, I can't say it any other way. It's gut wrenching, heart breaking, and I woke up this morning with the worst put in my stomach. The feeling of failure. Not that I'm a failure...but that I failed at my goal. The goal I worked for all year. They say an ironman is all about lessening the failure, and I was powerless to lessen it yesterday.
My Day:
It started as per usual. Breakfast early, the constant dance of trying to make nature happen (sorry!), and the jitters of getting to the start line. It was compounded yesterday by the fact I had never been in a group before. There were 6 of us all feeling the same thing trying to get to the same place feeling the same jitters. It was a little overwhelming at points for me, but I was happy to see everyone excited.
When we finally got to the swim start, nature finally arrived and I decided to line up with Carolina and Alex and not trudge ahead into a faster corral. The swim was super delayed, and for a while I moved away and got lost in the crowd and cried a little. I told a stranger that we had 3 first timers that came with our team and about how far they had come. How happy I was to be here with all of them.
It seemed like forever to start the swim, like an hour passed. Found out later the dock broke so they had to wait to get everyone in. I told a stranger to text my Mom and tell her it was running late and for my Mom to text Jody so they didn't worry about us not coming in.
Finally I was on the dock. The man in front of me fell and I basically jumped over him into the water. Goggles filled up and I had to fix them 3x early on before I could get into a rhythm.
I thought my jelly fish incident was in the middle of the swim but it's apparent on my watch data whe it happened.
Overall I was stopped for close to 6 minutes. I don't even remember that to be honest. I didn't hold on to anything, I wasn't around anyone. I felt like I got electrocuted and it stunned me. But I don't remember being stopped for that long. I didn't know until I downloaded my data last night. But clearly you can see something happened. My only respite is that I was going so fast the last 1/3rd of the swim, even though I felt like I was dragging my leg, I was in the 1:30/100 yards and it wasn't until the last 100 (that you can also see) that I got pummeled by a giant and lost my bearings.
I remember getting out of the water, and I remember asking immediately if Carolina had gotten out bc I was worried about her (turns out she was A-OK). I got into transition and started to try and drink. I thought that my mouth felt funny in the water, but figured it was the salt. And towards the end I thought it was maybe bc the Giant man hit me hard in the neck and shoulder. But as I put on my shoes, I got the sinking feeling that I knew what was happening.
I'm allergic to bees and wasps. People that know me have seen me panic when there's bees around. In fact at the Harlingen Half we were trying to keep them off of me. I once went on a bike ride with Art and Kristofor and got stung in the chest and immediately had to take benadryl and was out for the day. I had never been stung by a jellyfish before.
I scarcely remember talking to Jody and Erin out of t1. But I tried to mount my bike early, I evidently said I didn't know what I was doing and I also broke my xlab bag full of all my nutrition, so as I biked away, I was holding onto the days food for dear life.
I guess my first mistake was stopping at the first ambulance I saw. It wasn't a red med tent, just an ambulance. But I was desperate bc I wasn't able to swallow my Gu chomps bc my tongue was swelling. I knew I needed Benadryl and I had figured if I could get 25mg in me and then another 25mg later that maybe it wouldn't make me drowsy and I could keep going. So I stopped to ask for Benadryl.
3 men and 1 woman were there to help me, but they didn't speak any English. So here I am, just saying "yo tengo Benadryl y antihistamina" over and over, and all I got was some "consulatado el Dr" or something or other and we were getting no where. One of the guys came out of the ambulance with a light to look in my mouth, and once he did he started saying "la lingua" or something or other and the next thing I knew my bike was in the ambulance and I was being ushered in on the gurney next to it.
It happened so fast. So fast. I was pulled out so quick. I cant stress enough that this was not what I wanted. All I wanted was Benadryl and to continue.
So there I was in an ambulance in Mexico with 3 non English speaking medics taking a winding trip across the island. All the main roads were closed so it took forever, sirens blazing and I was honestly scared shitless about being there, no one knowing where I was, no money, no phone. Nothing. They got me to the Amerimed Hospital and I kept saying over and over that I just wanted Benadryl (tongue is still swollen here...) The nurse inside tried to take my clothes off and I said no. They tried to start IVS, I said no. Just Benadryl. Finally a "Dr" came in and gave me one Benadryl. They left me alone for about 20 min or so, started to feel better. Then they came in wanting me to pay...I had no money. Then they wanted all my info from home. Finally the "Dr" came in and he said he thought it was not a jellyfish but an octopus???
That's a way better story. I was bitten by an octopus during ironman cozumel.
Finally they agreed to discharge me after more arguing and they called me a cab that I also didn't have money to pay for.
As I sat in the lobby, with my box of Benadryl (I took 25mg more) and my bike, a nurse that spoke English came in and I explained what happened. I could tell she felt sorry for me and the misunderstanding. She let me use her phone to call cozumel palace to try and get a hold of Erin or Jody so they wouldn't worry.
Finally I was in a cab on my way to our hotel, saw Jody and Joe, told them I was ok and Joe paid my cab and that was it. I was done.
I sat for a bit in the room, no tear yet, almost shock. I wrote my brief facebook post and got in the shower. Once the hot water hit my leg, my sting flared up and i could see where it got me on my right ankle and calf and top of foot. Young living oils fix that right up, its almost gone today.
I went out on the course to cheer but was determined not to let anyone see me, especially Kristofor as to not leave them wondering why i was not out there. Once they were all out on the last bike loop, I went to retrieve my bags and turn in my timing chip. Kind of a big mistake because once Kristofor got into t2, he saw my missing bag and panicked, i was waiting for him outside the tent.
I told him what had happened and he ran out on the first loop. Matt from Base performance texted me and told me to meet him at mile 2 of the run course to cheer, and i ran down there, and then ran up to mile 3 to wait for Kristofor.
When i saw him, i knew he was in rough shape, so I jogged the rest with him. He was so sick. Sicker than i have ever seen him on a course ...and in 2013 i saw him super sick. Every 5 minutes he was puking. Totally dehydrated, so I decided to run the remainder with him. It was kind of therapeuti c to be out there where I had wanted so badly to be. To feel like i was still doing what i came to do.
Hell, i paid $715 for this race, and I still had my bracelet and my bib...so I was going to run. My garmin says i did a little over 23 miles yesterday. Thats all day with running back and forth etc. And my feet felt fine. I know i didnt do the bike, but Im confident that I would have gotten my 13:30 ultimate goal.
Total yesterday, i swam 2.4 miles, biked 5.44, and ran 23...
I keep thinking theres a bigger reason as to why i didnt get to race yesteday. I keep thinking there has to be a reason. I was ok yesterday, but this morning with people asking me my time and how it went makes it suck even more. And when all you want to do is fall apart, its not worth making everyone around you feel bad for having the race they wanted.
But it is humbling. No one is above a bad day. And the next time i have a good one and feel like im on top of the world, i would be good to remember that. Anything can happen in a race that long, and everyone will have days where they are consumed by the what may have beens.
Im going to try and concentrate on the successes i had this season, the fact that my feet still work, that i stand here pain free and uninjured today. And i may cry a dozen more times and have a bunch more moments. But im going to try my damdest to be grateful.
Until the next.....
