Tuesday, November 29, 2016

The day that wasn't Part Deux

So yesterday. Yesterday yesterday yesterday. 

Obviously, the outcome was not what I wanted. Did I have concerns it would end like it did. Sure. I can admit that. I've said it several times yesterday and today. In 2013, God must have been shining down on me bc I had a pretty incident free race for the most part in Cozumel as my first Ironman. Swim was fast, bike was windy, had fun on the run. Last year, I had NO idea that there were even jellyfish out there to be worried about...I had always heard about barracuda. Ignorance was bliss. So last year took me by surprise and I was devastated. I was hyper aware of the risk I took yesterday, but I also had done all that I could to set myself up. I am a planner, and I planned.

I had Benadryl in every bag yesterday. I took 25mg at 5am to head it off. I had bought "Safe Sea" lotion that was supposed to deter them. And when I tell you Kristofor had to tell me to stop when I applied my 4th coat before the race...I continued. So I was prepared. And maybe I was a bit naive to think that I could enter that swim without incident. After all, I had done it in 2013. 

The morning started out uneventful. I slept about 5 hours soundly, but we had slept super well the 2 nights before. I ate a good breakfast, took my medicine, and other than almost forgetting my special needs bags, I got out the door without incident. Even the crazy bus ride was easy. I got to T1 and checked my bike. I made a trip to a secret bathroom and didn't wait in line. It rained on us for a bit but stopped. And we boarded the bus to the swim start. 

It took 2 port o potty trips to get the job done. And when I came out the second time I exclaimed, "with that I'm going to PR today!" I chatted with Alyx and Kristofor and we all walked to the swim chute together. Kristofor left us, and Alyx, myself, RG and Esmeralda all stayed together. And God bless Alyx, we started having a pretty deep conversation (not about triathlon at all) about 10 min to gun time, I started to tear up, and right there she hugged me and we prayed. I love that woman with all my heart. Some people are your people, even if you don't see them much or if you haven't spent that much time together, they are YOUR people. Alyx is my people. And then the gun went off, the line to get in started to move. Girls around me were getting nervous. I saw the water and it looked calm and I told Esmeralda..."LOOK! It's so calm! It's going to be a great day, this is a wonderful day!" And we all started smiling and we got onto the ramp. Michael Lovato gave us a shoutout and Esmeralda and I sat down and scooted into the swim to avoid last year's feet on rocks pitfalls and off we went! I followed Alyx's bright dreadlocks for a few minutes and we all started to break off.

I noticed for a long long time that the current was not in our favor. I felt like I wasn't moving. It was taking forever. The current would stall big time and unlike years before where you rarely touched people, it would stall and big groups would kind of bottle neck and bunch up and you would have to fight and maneuver to get out. I did that 2-3 times in the first part (I have no idea how far). 

My first sting was a big one across the back of my left leg. Behind my knee. And it hurt. And from that point on I was totally and completely aware that the cream didn't work and I was going to be stung. And all I can say is that I swam scared. I was cautious with my movement. Ignorance was not bliss and I began to wonder how long I had until I got the symptoms. And I started to feel kind of stupid. I didn't allow myself to look at my watch and I sure as hell wasn't going to get pulled out, I just focused on one stroke at a time and counting, keeping my heart rate low. When I got stung again it was on my left arm and again, not the tiny sea lice pricks but the big jellyfish...and I saw this one. I saw that MFer. At some point after that I felt a burning in between my chest, which was strange bc I had on a swimskin, but I must've gotten sea lice in my suit bc I definitely had stings there (and those you could see were clearly irritated last night). I got stung for a 3rd time along my right shoulder and neck right before I turned into the chankanaab marina. I saw that one too. The big ones, they were right under the surface of the water. 

When I got out of the water, I ran and started to get ready to get into the shower...except there wasn't one. Yeah, so salt water swim and no showers to shower off the salt. I was not super happy about that but it is what it is. I got into the tent and started pouring cups of water into my bra and into my suit to wash off. And I opened my bag and immediately took 2 little pink Benadryl pills before I got dressed. I chatted with others about how awful the swim was. My time was super slow, actually 41 minutes slower than North Carolina, which is absurd. That's an eternity. Everyone agreed it was awful and were talking about jellyfish and stings and the current. Got all my gear on and headed out of the tent smeared in sunscreen. Unracked Magnolia, headed towards the exit and I was on my way! 

About mile 2 I was finally able to settle in enough to pee...and I know it's gross but man is it more convenient to be able to just go instead of having to stop. I ate my first honey stinger waffle and took a gel too. I didn't eat in transition so I figured 260 calories was warranted. By mile 5 I passed where my race ended last year and I smiled...same ambulance, same place but NOPE. But it was literally a mile or so after when things started to go downhill. My mouth had felt dry and gummy when I was eating but not like the year prior where I was actually swelling. Instead, it was my eyes, and I just felt nauseous and zapped of all energy. Like pedaling through mud. 

So by mile 8ish my eyes were swelling, that's where the jellyfish allergy seemed to hone in this time. And I started to get frustrated. I figured I would wait for the Benadryl from t1 to kick in and I would be fine. Give it a bit Lacy, be patient. Michelle Vesterby (female pro and amazing woman) blew by me on the bike and I was so touched, she yelled "Lacy! keep smiling!!" There she is WINNING the race and she took a second to reach out to me. She is my absolute favorite pro now, I adore her! 

So I got a little jolt and headed down the road, the turn at Punta Sur into the wind came quick and I was surprised early on I didn't need to downshift into the small ring and felt stronger than I had imagined even though I wasn't feeling so hot. The wind on my first lap wasn't as strong as what we had at IMNC and I was handling it well. Sometime in the middle of the windy section, I decided I needed to take more Benadryl. My eyes were still swelling and it had been over an hour, so I reached into my pocket, I had 2 more pills in my empty Base tube (yes I now have meds in Base tubes...), and down the hatch they went. I knew it wouldn't be immediate, and I knew it may be too much too, but I honestly didn't know what to do. Alyx blew by me like a multi colored flash and I was so relieved to see her. She yelled at me to move my ass and she was gone. 

100mg of Benadryl in (125 if you count the pre race one), and I was struggling. My eyes kept getting smaller and more painful, and I was having trouble seeing. I grabbed a water bottle and sprayed my face, maybe the cold water would help. Not much. I made the turn to head back into town, and though my pace picked up with the tailwind, I was feeling worse and worse by the minute. I heard someone ride by me on a scooter and yell my name, I didn't know it at the time, but it was Natalie Lopez watching for her beast of a hubby, Manny. I kept having to get out of aero to stabilize myself, I started to weave on the road and I felt like I couldn't control the bike as well. My hands had gotten tingly. By the last aid station before you hit town, I knew I had to make a decision. When I exited the aid station area, I swerved to stabilize myself and almost crashed into an unassuming guy riding up on my left (he didn't say "on your left"), he cursed at me and I knew. 

Maybe I glossed over it last year, but it was incredibly scary to be taken off the course. 1. I'm in a foreign country. 2. I took an ambulance ride with 3 men that didn't speak English and I had no idea where I was going and NO ONE knew I was off the course, not even officials. 3. I had no money, no phone, no ID. 4. I had to fight with them last year to release me, they wanted to admit me and put me IN the hospital. No one knew where I was. I knew one thing on Sunday, I was NOT going back to the ER in Mexico. In addition, Kris and I were basically here by ourselves this year. I had met RGs sister the day before, and Stephanie Silk was out on the course with their new baby, but really, it is just us. As I continued to feel worse, eyes swelling and feeling like I was losing control, I told myself to make it back to the hotel and I would decide there. But I knew. 

I pulled up to Cozumel Palace and like 8 people were immediately in my face asking what was wrong. I wanted to crawl in a hole and die. Thank goodness Patty, RGs sister, and my new friend, Sarah, were there. Some girl, I don't recall her name, and I'm sure she meant well, was IN my face. Like IN it. And I'm a BIG personal space person. She invaded my bubble, and was yelling at me about how much time I had and to get back on and go. I could hardly talk. She then started yammering about going to the med tent up the road...which I did NOT want to do, but I started walking with my bike, Patty and Sarah by my side. We went beside the building under a little tent, hid my bike on the side and I was finally able to sit down, and I just cried. Ugly big loud tears. The in your face chick (I'm sure she meant well...but NO.) told me to not let my emotions get to me and at that point I had had it and was THIS close to knocking her teeth out. Thankfully, for her, she stepped away, I think Sarah said something to her or gave her a look. She left shortly after. I don't know how long I sat there, but I finally was able to go up to my room, my race was over. Patty and another angel helped take my stuff and they walked far behind me as I entered the hotel. I didn't want to call attention to myself...I had had enough of that. I got a spare room key and we got in the elevator. They made sure I was ok. I felt absolutely awful, my eyes were slivers and I just wanted to pass out. But I knew I couldn't, eventually people were going to start to wonder about me, and taking a nap was probably not a good idea. 

I called Jody, she answered panicked and I just sobbed, I couldn't even say anything to her. I just cried and cried and that was making my eye situation worse. I told her to post to the tri team, I didn't want to talk or explain. I called Cristina, no answer, so I called Jeremy, no answer. I knew they were following and posting regular updates. I texted my Mom to tell her. I finally got off the floor and showered. Cristina called me back about an hour or so later and I talked to her for a bit. And I sat on the floor for an eternity, just kind of in shock. Again. Imagine that. On the floor in a Cozumel hotel room for the 2nd year in a row, in shock. Shocking. 

About 3:30 the first text message came in from a family member asking if I was ok and where I was. And that got me thinking. I didn't want to say anything on Facebook but I know people were following me and my lack of updates on the tracker, especially after last year...I would be selfish to not let everyone know I was ok. So I posted an update over 3 and a half hours after I had arrived back at the hotel. And then I laid down to cry some more. 

I didn't feel well enough to go out to the course for a long time. I waited until I knew Kris was well into his first run lap to go turn in my chip and get my stuff. I ran into Sarah on my way back to the hotel and told her I would meet her to start looking for my husband. 

Stephanie Silk saw me first, and she looked at me so sad. All I could look at was the precious baby Dax strapped to her chest. She said Doug and Kris were together, and I told her that if she saw them and Kris asked she could tell him I was out, but if he didn't, don't so I could see him as he started lap 2. I had started to head back to the hotel to get a wifi signal when Sarah flagged me down bc he was coming, so I ran back and he told me he knew and was going to finish the marathon hanging out with Doug. They looked like they were having waaaaayyyy to much fun, but I was happy to see them together. 

So I stayed out to cheer. Finally ate a quesadilla and Pedro from the bar made me a strong ass drink at my request. It made me feel incredibly drunk and yucky, so I switched back to water. 

Sarah and I stayed put in our run course spot and chatted for most of the evening. I am so grateful for her. Like so grateful. We had met her and Susan on the plane from Houston, shared a van from Cancun and rode the ferry together and were at the same hotel. She had also done North Carolina and we literally raced right by each other all day. We were destined to meet, and she was a huge bright light to me on Sunday. We laughed and it took some of the sting out. Speaking of sting...

By the time late afternoon rolled around, my eyes had gone down (maybe the 800 ibuprofen and mounds of turmeric I had taken), but as the antihistamines wore off, I had the burns big time where I was stung, most notably in between my boobs. Ouch. 

Kristofor and Doug finished and I headed into the athlete tent bc I still had my band on. We saw Manny and congratulated him on his awesome day. We saw our friend Kate who podiumed last year and she was in rough shape after a tough day out there. We went back to the hotel so Kris could shower and eat, and before I knew it, it was 11:15 and time to go find RG on her last lap to finish.

That experience may call for a separate blog. Wow. As the clock got past midnight, and they announced the finish line would close at 12:46 (race started at 730am, last athlete was in the water at 7:46am...so 17 hours gave them until 12:46am to get it done). About 12:15 I hadn't seen her yet so I started walking down the road, I asked so many people if they had seen a small lady in a red top, "una pequita señora y camisa roja" that's about the extent of what I could say. No one had seen her. By 12:30 I started to jog further and finally saw Manuel Bravo, told him to hurry bc he had time, but he hadn't seen RG. Finally, I saw her. 2 scooters behind her, her sister yelling at her and her boys running on the sidewalk. RG! I yelled "andalé andalé RG fucking GO!" Over and over. She was stone faced and told me she wasn't going to make it. I told her she had 13 minutes and to keep her ass moving that she was going to make it. She had been arguing with Patty otherwise. She started to run at a decent clip but then she would stop and put her hands on her knees. The race officials on the scooters wouldn't let us touch her. She looked totally and completely spent. I yelled again and told her German (her coach) was waiting up for her to finish and to keep going, this is what she had trained for. She had maybe 500 meters to go when she stopped again and then fell to the ground onto her back. When she turned over she started crawling forward. It was like what you see in the movies, no exaggeration. We coaxed her back up and you could hear the finish line and the clock was ticking. Right before she made the turn, her calves cramped and she came up onto her toes in a half turn exorcist style ballerina move and I thought she was going to faint. But she straightened up and headed down the blue carpet as Michael Lovato told her story, she is an Ironman, she crossed the line and collapsed as the medics brought a stretcher (she was cramping and couldn't walk) to take her to the med tent. I panicked when I saw that, had we pushed her too much? But when I got to the finish line area, Patty said she was ok just getting checked out. RG closed out Ironman Cozumel 2016, and if the rumors are true that this race is over, she may be its last official finisher. And what an amazing finish it was. 

So that closes out my triathlon season. Am I sad, yes. I worked harder than I ever have this year, spent money on a coach, traveled to 2 races, one to be cut by 56 miles and then this debacle. I won't ever do an ocean race again. Lesson learned. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. I don't particularly enjoy throwing money down the drain on DNFs (even though this one was half off...), so I will oblige my body and say no more to anything where I can get stung.

And this may sound bitter, and maybe I should just keep it to myself. But no one knows your body like you. It's super great and positive to say "just keep going" "whatever it takes". But that's not always the case. Had I kept going on Sunday, I am confident I would have seriously hurt myself and someone else. When you can't control what you're doing, you become a hazard not only to yourself but to those around you. We've all been on a course where someone was swerving or blocking or had poor bike handling skills that caused a crash. I love ironman, but it's not worth my life. It was not worth it to end up in the hospital again or end up injuring someone else bc I couldn't maintain control. So if you want to call me a quitter or a pussy or whatever else behind my back or to my face. Do it. You'll lose my respect. And people rarely regain my respect once they lose it. And that's all I'll say about that. That's not passive aggressive, that's me aggressively stating where I stand. And I stand behind my decision Sunday no matter how painful and awful it was. NO ONE wants to make that decision. So if someone for a moment thinks it was something I wanted, you are very mistaken. I would pray no one I coach or care about has to make that decision. But I did. And if you judge me for it that shows your character more than mine. #sorrynotsorry.

So now that that's out there...😬. I'm going to try and remain positive as I head home tomorrow. My birthday is on Thursday and I'm heading home to the Valley on Friday for the weekend. And just like last year, I'll probably throw myself into some crazy trail run or something to try and get my mind off of what happened. That's how I cope and that's likely what I'll need. 

But I'm leaving this island grateful for the friends I've made, the relaxing vacation I've gotten to have with my husband, and the ability to even toe the line at this event. Cristina told me, eventually when you do enough of these things, you're going to have this happen. I've entered close to 50 events from half marathon to Ironman. I've had to cut 2 runs short, I DNSed one very cold race, and I've DNFed 2. There's a lot of truth to that. Not every day is going to be your day, eventually you're going to have bad luck, and sometimes unfortunately you won't always finish. I hate to end a season again this year like that, but I am choosing to think of RGs epic finish as the end to my season. That was one of my happiest moments, that woman worked harder and more consistently than any person I know, she never ever skipped a workout, she was tireless in finishing it all and doing what German and Lori coached her to do. She deserves to be an Ironman and I'm so happy she crossed that line in such epic fashion. 

So I'm out! It's been real and it's been fun and to be honest it's been real fun! And this isn't goodbye...it's just a see ya later. On to the next adventure whatever that may be. 



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